Makeup is Rape
Which of my headshots do you think is cutest? Certainly not the one with no makeup, am I right? Congratulations, your mind has been raped by the patriarchy.
Okay, let’s cool things down a notch or two. The headline is a bit click-bait-y, I admin. The article is meant to be thought-provoking and extreme, and I’m not sure I buy it 100% myself. But anyway, let’s explore the theme: Rape is the ultimate, violent manifestation of the patriarchy; cosmetics are, perhaps, the patriarchy’s deepest and most invasive expression.
Let’s begin with an anecdote. I was at a AA meeting one morning, a small, intimate meeting with about a dozen people sitting in a circle of chairs. A frumpy middle-aged woman in a track suit was called upon to speak. She had a bit of a Southern accent and sounded quite upset as she began: “I feel like apologizing for the way I look today, but I’m not allowed to. You see, my sponsor told me I had to go to a meeting without any makeup on, and without apologizing. It is supposed to help me with self-esteem. It is very difficult for me. I have never, ever left the house without putting my face on. My mother would die if she were here to see me like this.”
That’s my thesis in a nutshell right there. Why do women feel we cannot present ourselves in the best light without cosmetics? Well, it is that same oppression that is being talked about in the more general sense, that women are constantly presented with ideal, unrealistic images in the media that we feel we need to measure up to.
Sidebar: What is patriarchy? It is the fact that most first-world societies are created by men for the pleasure and advancement of men, and a woman’s place is to facilitate that aim. I have a problem with the man/woman dichotomy, but I clearly see the patriarchy at work all around me. And I am not immune from it.
The pictures, by the way, are, clockwisefrom the upper left: The me you would see if you Facetimed me right now, obviously with zero cosmetics; a favorite lucky shot from about 20 years ago; my author picture on the back cover of my books, from about 15 years ago; and my most recent profile pic from a couple years ago, tuned (obviously and amatuerishly) with a digital filter. It pains me to show you the current, raw photo, but that is how I present in public and in private these days. It pains me because of that inculcated patriarchal mind rape, even though I know, intellectually, that the photo probably looks fine to most of you.
I am not a scholar of femminist thought. I haven’t even read the canon. I may or may not be re-hashing an idea that’s already out there. (A quick google only turned up a thread about how makeup rapes the dude because he thought he was going to bed with a 7 but, when she took off her makeup, she turned out to be a 3.5 . So wrong in so many ways… but it actually supports my thesis, as seen from the patriarchy side.) So instead of arguing from theory, let me tell you a little about my own journey with cosmetics.
As you surely know if you have been reading me at all, I am an aging trannsexual woman. (Nice double entendre with “reading me,” huh?) Since this article is about showing your true self, here is a pic of me as a dude. Now the photo of me without makeup doesn’t hurt so much.
I began cross-dressing in my late 40s. Cosmetics were, naturally, a vital component of my “transformation” into my female self. Without heavy cosmetics, and, equally important, the magic of a wig, I just could not see the woman in me.
After getting rid of my facial hair (via more than a hundred hours of laser and electrolysis), and growing out the hair on the top of my head, and softening my skin and general appearance with years of replacing testosterone with estrogen, I was (and am) generally accepted as a woman even without cosmetics. But I still wore light cosmetics (mostly some eye makeup and lipstick) when going out to work or play. Because I wanted to look “my best” and be generally attractive. Pretty people get better raises and more dates, right?
When I eventually settled down with a partner and, several years ago, was able to start working from home, I stopped wearing cosmetics and jewelry altogether. Am I just lazy? Slovenly? Just don’t give a shit? Probably a lot of all three. But what I noticed was, people accepted me fine just as I am. Just like the lesson the lady in the AA meeting was supposed to learn.
You are beautiful and of great worth just as you are.
And I started to notice just how much women alter their appearance with cosmetics. Look at those before/after photos of models and actors on the Internet. When the woman in the movie/TV show wakes up in the morning with perfect hair and makeup, doesn’t that make you laugh? Can you imagine a woman walking the red carpet at the Oscars with no makeup? And why? Why aren’t we good enough and pretty enough and appreciated just as we are?
Why don’t men wear cosmetics? I know, there is starting to be a trend, but I think that is just sad, it is moving the culture in exactly the wrong direction. Anyway, in general, we don’t expect men to wear cosmetics to be accepted as handsome, as their best selves. Just women. That’s patriarchy.
Why is it a tragedy when a woman loses all of her hair with chemotherapy? It is very common to see beautiful women in Africa with cropped hair, or totally boald, and no cosmetics. It seems to be a quite typical female appearance on the continent of our origin. Why can’t we accept that look in the rest of the world?
How about those lovely, powerful Wakanda warriors in Black Panther? Okay, plenty of makeup, but no hair!
What about those of us who say, “I’m not doing it for others, I’m not doing it to attract men, I’m doing it for myself!” Please refer to first paragraph regarding patriarchal mind-rape.
So, where am I now? If I had to go into an office to work again, would I wear cosmetics? I’m not sure. Maybe. If I had to go interview for jobs again, would paint my face? Probably. If I had to start dating again (shudder!), would I wear makeup? You bet I would!
It’s not easy to shed the patriarchial programming in our minds. We cannot control it in our culture. (This Guardian article is tangentially an interesting perspecitive: “Am I Plankton?”) But, ladies, my message to you is, you are beautiful and of great worth just as you are. And maybe if we stop wearing so much makeup so often, it will contribute to moving our culture beyond patriarchy.
Now, will I put my money where my mouth is and change my Medium profile pic? Check it out and let me know if I did. And stay tuned for my next article: “Wearing Clothing Is Rape.”
8/20/2021: Makeup? Who Needs It? These Women Are Returning To The Office Without It
